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Friday, October 14, 2011

Taking care of Mom

My mother died in August. We raced halfway across the country with our two new puppies for fear she would die in less than 48 hours. This isn't about that, except she didn't die for eleven days. We brought her home to my sister's home to take care of her as she slowly faded.
The process was not easy for her. I think there was pain as she couldn't eat and her organs started to shut down. She couldn't even really swallow liquids. Although she asked for beer (never drankurea in real life), and ice cream, wine (never saw her drink that before either), and whiskey (she would very occasionally sip that). We couldn't give her anything of substance -- of course, if she could take substantial food that would have been different. This isn't about that either.
This is to say that the experience for our very large family was amazing. We pulled together to support each other and to care for her. Nobody demanded anything. People understood when one sibling or another had a moment of hysteria, wondering if we were doing everything we could or should. Taking care of her was stressful, yes, but also it felt so right and true.
Perhaps not everyone would give this same account, but this is my perspective. Is this what closure feels like? I never knew.

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